1:1

I've had a belly full of people posting such flowery, emotive, mushy posts about the wonderful deeds committed by their significant others (Read: women singing the praises of their men) when, in fact, we all know there's more to the story.  Yes, so he sent you a beautiful bouquet and you could hardly snap a picture quickly enough and get it up on FB.

Now, readers, you may think this is sour grapes.  I've had my share of flowers long ago. It's not that, that irks me; it's the yin and yang, push and pull, cosmographic equilibrium of the universe, that guarantees there was another corresponding ass-action that never hits the news feeds of FB, Twitter or Instagram.  Yeah, he sent you flowers and you posted a pic and called him "Uuh Maazing."  But you sure as hell didn't post anything when he got obliterated last weekend and forgot to pick you up from the airport. Why are people so quick to post only the positive when we know that dude's been doing bad crap all along.  Flowers=UuhMaazing.  Drunken forgetfulness=ass.   If I were queen of the world I would enact a law.  The 1:1 Law of Personal Social Media Posting.

This law would require that for every glowing social media status about a significant other, a corresponding ass-action post must accompany it.  This is the only way to keep the delicate balance of the universe as it should be or to be credible at all.

I'll provide an example here:

"Jim, my AMAZING husband, took my car in to be detailed today.  As a surprise!!!  How awesome is he???!?!?!  #blessed
However, in August of 2005, he washed AND dried my gorgeous brown and cream linen dress thereby rendering it suitable only for an American Girl doll.  #assmove

See?  Is that so hard?  No.  And doesn't the second part make the first part more credible?  I think so; although in this example, only the second part is true.  #ass